this is my so called "LiFe"

pissed.

2009-07-23T22:53:00.000-07:00

i'm just so disappointed..
same situations happen for the gazillionth time..

i'm so effin tired of squabbling and looking after YOU,

i'm your friend and i need your time, not a just someone who ask for your spare attention.

within so many times have YOU rejected my offers, do u know how much it freaks ME out?
do u know how frustrated i am?

we used to be together..
now..

i have thought, was i better off alone? without YOU?

the TRIANGLE.

2009-06-30T22:02:00.000-07:00

maybe u've already read a lot of bizaare love triangles in the past..

but mine is a different one..

it started out as "you-look-maangas-and-i-hate-you!" thing but it ended up into something like..

"how-i-wish-it-was-me-nalang.."

we got closer with each other as the near end of our school days came..
no mushy messages, no fuss, no issues, just friendship..

and i somehow liked it na rin that we stayed in that way..
it was kilig though..

but the only thing that hinders is that HE.. has a long time gurl whom she calls his MINE..
therefore as i call him MINE, there is that one other special person for him who he calls him LIFE..

as i would always remember my self being quoted..
"id rather be sad, alone and seeing them happy together than that of to be happy with him and see his girl weeping"

i somehow already made friends with his girl and felt at ease coz i know right now he'd be in good hands.. i've now accepted that he's not MINE and that we're better of as friends..

and @ random..

"if i would be a third party, it doesn't mean that i'm destroying a relationship. it only means that i won't show my love and feelings to the person I LOVE." - 26/05/09 08:37 pm

"Being a third party doesn't mean that you're destroying a relationship.. It only means that you make 2 souls realize that they're not meant to be together." - 26/05/2009 8:25 pm

and this one touches me MOST..

"Ang pagmamahal sa taong may mahal ng iba ay parang pagsabit sa jeep. alam mong bawal pero ginawa mo padin. dahil alam mong sasaya ka sa biyahe, at umaasa kang aalis din yung taong yun at ikaw ang makakaupo. Pero hindi mo naisip, kapag nakaupo kana, maaring may sumabit ding iba at ikaw ang magagaya dun sa naunang bumaba, luhaan at nag iisa." - 29/06/09 11:41 pm

i know it'll take time to move on..
many more sleepless nights to spend..
many more tears to be shed..

but in time i know...

answered prayers and broken promises..

2009-02-24T05:14:00.000-08:00

i may be too emotional but not that confrontational, i would always end up beaten and crying..

last weekend i had a fight with my bestest friend ever..
*i guess she hates me now*

she is bugged with my presence and everything that involves "me" pisses her off..
she thinks im "doomed-to-be-her-friend" but that's not true..
i never regret anything i've done for her..
all the efforts i have exerted was done not because i have to..

i know she have flaws *lots of it* and i've accepted that..
its just that i cant even think abot how much she doesnt get my point and always insist on things as if she was the victim here..

she is *WTH* my bestest best friend ever..

ive done a lot of firsts with her..
alcoholic drinks..
skip class..
sleep overs..
galera days..
malling..
strolling..
boy hunting.. *luv that part*

she witnessed my first forbidden love..
i saw her fight with her tropa..
i witnessed her worst heartbreak..

we've shared numerous laughters..

..and tears.

Unmeasurable moments spent together..
Unforgettable experiences..

I prayed for a friend like her, God granted my prayers about a year and nine months ago when he made us classmates *and seatmates*..

i couldnt let go kasi I know she needs me..
*well atleast about 6months ago.. when we're still okay then..*

now...
she has her own life, own sets of friends, own activities done..

she's on her own now..

maybe she's right..
siguro i became too dependent on her..

and being dependent on her was something she doesnt want me to do.
she wants her OWN life..
she wants me to have mine..

im trying to.
im really trying my best to.

i havent spoken to her for 2days now..
i havent seen her also..

it is hard.
and im sure it'll get harder for the next coming days.

specially i'll be seeing her daily..

i cant pretend she doesnt exist.

haiist. how hard nhu?

sad kasi we'll not be able to spend our last few days in college together..
that she'd rather be with her oh-so-good and fun-to-be-with new found friends than with us na mga tried-and-tested-through-time friends nya na..

it is okay.
i am okay.
we're all okay.

i'll be missing her laughters, her kwento, her hampas, her hair *that is short now*, her smile, her accent, her sneezes, everything.. *as in lahat*

i'll be having a hard time adjusting siguro.
im not redi to see her yet nga.

daig pa niya mama ko.
daig pa niya ang taong mahal ko. *may gf ksi un* (aii.. siningit tlga.. ill be posting about that maybe next time..)

although we both promised forever to each other..
and as i would remember her saying "i know im hard to be understood but please do not give on me"

as much as i would want to hold on..

i cant anymore..
wla nko hahawakan..
nauna na sha bumitaw e..

pero ill not lose hope. *matigas ulo ko eh*

as serena and blair fought like devils in gossip girls.

i know right on just before grad, we'll have white flags waving,..

my thursday.. 01+08=09. ü

2009-01-08T07:50:00.000-08:00

woked up 9:30am.,,
sarap matulog, maulan kse e..
bum muna til mga 10am..

ate cereals (sarap! un cornflakes na chocolate coated!ö)
prepared for duty and fixed things, (grabe dami ko plang kulang na gamit.)
watched TV (imbes magreview for OR duty..)
cooked brunch, (cornbeef and rice)
turned on the component, (soundtreep!)

(danced around the house,,. lol.)

took a bath..
got dressed..
putted on make up..

left the house by 12nn.,,

was stucked in traffic til 12:20nn..

met up wiT arnel and alyssa @ shakeys, treat nila aku.
(sweet ni kap pti ni bayaw..ü ayaw nla ppgutuman akuh.)

kwentuhan ng onti,.. konting tawanan..ü
tpos pa-picture,,

then uwian na.. (owell, sila lang.. ksi pa-start plang day kuh eh.)
we parted ways na.. ayun.

i went to the school campus and paid for the graduation picture and yearbook.

walking in times street by 1:40pm..

running late for duty by 1:55pm..

arrived in HT 2:00pm.,,

went up to perpz OR complex @ 2:01pm,

met the new c.i.,
few introductions.,

then salang agad sa OR..

it was my first scrub..
saya pla mag ganuon.. ^^

ahihi.. sna more to go..

may appendectomy case pa ung ibang grupmates ko kya ngpixur2 muna kme,..

had our break @ 7pm, 20 minutes lang kea ngmmdli kme.,, wla ng nguya nguya,, hahaha.. :))

went back to OR, changed clothes..
checked the quiz., had a short discussion, a few demos then a tour to the perpz OR complex.

grabe dun, nkkatanga..
subrang pgkahigh-tech duon.,

hahaha.. ganda tlga subra.

sobrang ganda, dnga aku mkatulog eh.

hahaha..
jowk lang..

osha.. gtg. need to write all of the requirements pa eh.,,

too bad, bawal ang tamad (copy-paste)..

i hope mataas grades ko..ü

xOxo
sHeeNz

guiLt siNks iN

2008-11-07T19:08:00.000-08:00

smoking (yes.. but only sometimes) and drinking (yes..i'm 19 and its legal) were two things that i do in life that i wasn't much proud of..

..as my cousin Jasmin (who is currently residing and working in switzerland) would say, "you dont need cigarettes, alcohol and drugs to be happy and to enjoy life". sure thing that wasn't essential but those are instruments *or something like that* that increases the fun while with friends. You talk and you make good conversations and stuffs.

..I promised my cousin i wouldn't smoke or drink again after the *GALERA* incident. But i broke my promise to her (then makes me remember what she has also said.. "what you dont know won't hurt you.") so as long as she wouldn't know what i was doing here while she was away she wont scold at me or be mad or throw away rants and lecture me.

..But everyday as we talk/chat i feel guilty. 'cause i broke a promise. and i lied to her. and im sorry.

..I'll try to change my ways and be a better me. Or should i say return to the old me whose life revolves around the *cyberspace, dvd movies, books and academics*.

*whehw*

will i get that life back?

ngayon pa that my life is something that revolves in like *friends, gala, drinks, and the least was the acads*.

impossibly insensitive..

2008-11-07T19:02:00.000-08:00

i just don't get why some people tends to be so insensitive..

im sure there's no one who's born with that capability, but hey! i mean. how could they choose to be like one. they hurt people unconsciously and "do not" care about the people who cared about them most..

haiiiizzt..

one big *siGh*

bestfriends..

2008-10-14T01:00:00.000-07:00

whew! i cant even help it, im addicted to gossip girl and im so psyched up by the fact i can watch it online.

serena and blair?

they were best of friends..

but they can have the most historical cat fights ever.

here are some lines from the episode..
(im not sure if i got all those right..)

s: "i cannot believe you did this."
b: "like you don't deserve it?"

they fight like as if they're not gonna be friends until forever.

s: "you did not just did that."
s: "i hate that stupid headband"

haha.. what da..

but at the end of the day when they're done and tired with all the fighting. they make it up..

b: "i told them you that this is what you wanted. and what are you doing here??"
s: "doing the same thing"

blah blah blah..

b: "i can't not know you, i "don't" want to not know you"

OMFG.. they fight like demons but they settle things up like little angels..

s: "what? blair, ur my bestfriend. what's mine is yours."
b: "we cannot share this."
s: "we'll find a way.. together."

haii.. im excited for the next catfight. i mean im excited for the upcoming episodes pa..

hihi.. ^_^

and then..

2008-10-10T07:10:00.000-07:00

all of a sudden.

i was numb..

i dont even wanna look on my cellphone if there are some text messages,
i dont even wanna open my pc to look for sumthing new (which before i usually do)
i dont even wanna answer any calls..
i dont even wanna read anything..
i dont wanna hear any news..

i dont even wanna eat..

i cant sleep.

im not gonna be surprised if one day i'll be tired of breathing.

this isn't supposed to happen,

..but it did anyways.

was i not feeling anyhting?

or was it that i was just to hurt to feel any more pain?

idk.

2008-10-09T06:28:00.000-07:00

much as i wanted to blogg..

it hurts so much..

i dont wanna hate guys coz i have guy friends..

but why do "SOME" of them do this..

..they tell u they like u and then the next moment they're gone

..they express how much they wanted things between you and them can work out but never really exerted the effort to prove their words

..they say they're gonna come when they actually have a lot of reasons why they wouldn't

..they flirt. they simply flirt.

with you, with everyone, with a friend.

(haters.)

i dont want to hate men.

so please. dont give me reasons to do so.

he told me he wasn't ready for a relationship..

..i told her so.

i told her to wait.

i always knew he'd hurt her.

i couldn't do anything.
i couldn't even tell her that i knew it.
i want to comfort her. she's my bestfriend.
he's also my friend. he's our friend.

and now he's with someone else.

we all could move on.

i know we could.

we should.

*sighs*

loneliness strikes...

2008-02-16T05:40:00.000-08:00

this 2008 valentines season was the saddest occasion I've ever had...

i woke up almost 10'am ate breakfast and watched Grey's anatomy when all of a sudden i have thought how lonely i am on a valentines day while almost all people are having the time of their life being with their special someones or loved ones, there i was all alone watching dvd all by myself...

and as i thought crazy ideas...

..i dropped by at a store to buy these:

yes! i drank.. and add to that was i smoked!! yes... i smoked!!

these diverted my loneliness into another..

but after doing it.,, I didn't get anything, just headache, dizziness and rashes!

I'm not proud of what I did but if ever that in the next valentines day, things will still be the same, no wonder that I'd still be counting on these things...

i feel so alone,

nobody loves me...

no one has even bothered to comfort me..

it's just so sad being me

slipped away...

2007-11-22T19:33:00.000-08:00

I miss you so bad
I don't forget you and oh it's so sad
I hope you can hear me
I remember it clearly
The day you slipped away
Was the day I found it won't be the same
I didn't get around to kiss you Goodbye on the hand
I wish that I could see you again
I know that I can't
I hope you can hear me
I had my wake up
Won't you wake up
I keep asking why
And I can't take it
It wasn't fake
It happened, you passed by
Now you are gone
There you go
Somewhere I can't bring you back
Somewhere your not coming back

mi grand papz passed away wednesday morning last week..
i'll miss every bit of him..

i used to be his little girl..

love you grampapz..

bye 'tay!!

heads uP!!!

2007-11-03T04:17:00.001-07:00

school's back!!

of the legal age..

2007-09-10T04:47:00.001-07:00

thanks to all who've greeted nung 18th koh..
thanks to all that have been part of this rollercoaster yet wonderful life..

many more years to come with you guys..

godbless the fireflies!!!

do you want to know the truth?

2007-08-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

"a true intelligent person, doesn't know how to hurt other people"

-para sakin.,, mssbi mong inteligent ang isang tao kapag iniisip nya ng mabuti bawat salitang lumalabas sa bibig nya.., careful enough not to utter words that would make others break-

hindi ako intelligent na tao, i bLiv nga na sa daldal kong ito.. madami dami na rin akong nasaktan na tao.,, madami akong nasasabi na nakakaoffend (and i ask forgiveness for that..sorry poh).. pero sana alam din ng ibang tao (u knw sna hu u r) that im fragile enough to break.. nasasaktan di ako with the things you say.. it doesnt mean i laugh at it,.. eh im happy.. may mga nasasabi kayo na sinasakyan ko lang pero di nyo alam dinamdam ko pala yun.. ganun na talaga ako.. sna lng nagpapaka intelligent naman kayo para di kayo nakakasakit..kasi ako im trying my best to be intelligent and i try my best not to hurt others..

kya naman.,, ikaw?? do you consider yourself intelligent??

nursing is...

2007-08-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

nursing is an ART...

nursing is a PROFESSION...

nursing is a SCIENCE...

eto pah..

nursing is CARING...

eto pinaka malaupet...

nursing is EXPENSIVE...

>>daaaang!! namumulubi nko<<

i miss this...

2007-08-17T07:34:00.000-07:00

ano nga ba ang blog? (tanong sakin ng classmate ko)

sinagot ko naman... ang blog is an online journal... --diary.

DIARY. hm., private thing daw ang diary kaya nawiweirduhan sya sa blogs.

baket nga ba nagblog si sheenskie??

sagot ko sa classmate ko:: "pag may naisip kasi ako tapos feel kong i share sya sa public, ngbbLog ako.. pag subrang happy or di kaya pag depressed ako, ngbbLog ako... nkakakuha ako ng SENSE OF RELIEF everytime ngpopost ako ng blog.. (being an only child, and being always left home alone) wala akong nkakausap, mahirap for me pag kinikeep ko deep within ang mga thoughts and ideas.. kya nagbblog ako..

kayo? baket naman kayo nagbabasa ng blogs???

sOoper tagal bgo nkapag blog..

2007-08-17T06:30:00.000-07:00

andami ko naiisip..
pag sumasakay ako sa jeep.,, may naiisip ako.,, pag baba ko.. nakakalimutan ko na,,

¤¤isa lang ito sa mga naisip ko.,,, minsan natatatanong ko sa sarili ko, "bakit kailangan nating mansisi?" may it be in form of things, happenings, tao or kahit ano.

>>example#1:: pag nadapa ang isang tao... sisisihin nya ang bagay na nakadapa sa kanya... eh baket hindi kaya nya sisihin na lang ang sarili nya diba, cause he/she's stupid enough para di makita ang bagay na makakadapa sa kanya.

>>example#2:: pag na late ang studyante... sisisihin nya ang traffic.. eh baket hindi nya sisihin ang sarili nya dahil hindi nya inagahan ang pag alis sa bahay para sana hindi sya natraffic dba?

>>example#3:: pag nabasa ng ulan ang group project na pinaghirapan ng husto... sisihin mo yung ulan?? eh baket di mo sisihin ang sarili mo dahil hindi mo iningatan ang project nyo.,,, sana hindi mo sya hinayaang mabasa..

>>example#4:: pag di ka naka attend ng happening.. sisisihin mo ang ate mong may inutos sayo or ang nanay mong may pinagawa sayo.. eh baket hindi kaya sarili mo ang sisihin mo.. dpat binilisan mo kilos para sana natapos mo ng maaga ang mga pinagagawa sayo at sana naka punta ka pa sa happening..

¤¤naiisip ko.,, mahirap ba talaga umamin sa mga sarili nating pagkakamali?? kailangan pba na may sisihin tayo?? do we get a sense of fulfillment kapag nansisisi tayo ng tao/bagay/pangyayari?? hindi ba naten kayang disiplinahin ang sarili natin para hindi na tayo magkaroon ng REGRETS.. im not saying this to boast ah,.. di naman ako perpektong tao.. oo.,, may mga nagawa ako sa past na sobrang pinagsisihan ko... pero matapang kong sasabihin ngayon (sa lahat ng nagbabasa ng blog ko) na kahit minsan.,, hindi ko sinisisi sa ibang bagay/tao/pangyayare ang mga bagay na nangyare.. tinanggap ko ang mga mali as mali ko.,, at ang kasalanan, as kasalanan ko...

hope na maging eye opener ang blog post kong ito.,, na hindi lahat ng bagay na panget at mali ay kailangan nating isisi sa iba.. minsan kailangan nating maging matapang para aminin na atin ito... ikahiya mo man yun.,, sayo pdin yun, so bket mo pa ikakahiya dba.. aminin mo na lang...

happy father's day!!!

2007-06-17T08:38:00.000-07:00

let me share to you this... in the movie "PARENT TRAP" where two sisters switch places, with a plan to reconciliate their separated parents. hallie and annie lived apart. hailey with her dad and annie with her mom. see., the point here is.. when they switched places.. annie got the chance na makasama yung dad nya na hindi nya pa nakasama since her baby days dahil nga naghiwalay yung parents nila... picture this: Annie is in the car while her dad drives her off to their house... (remember: its annie's first time to see his dad!)

dad: why do you keep on saying DAD at the end of every sentence?
annie(pretending to be hallie): I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it, Dad.
annie(pretending to be hallie): Sorry, Dad.
annie(pretending to be hallie): Do you want to know why I keep saying "Dad"? the truth?
dad: because you miss your old man so much, right?
annie(pretending to be hallie):exactly! because in my whole life.,, I mean for the past eight weeks... I was never able to say the word "Dad". Never, not once! And if you ask me, I mean... A dad is an irrreplaceable person in a girl's life. Think about it. There's a whole day devoted to celebrating father's. Just imagine someone's life without a father? -- never buying father's day card, never sitting on their father's lap... neverbeing able to say "Hi Dad!" or "What's up Dad?" or "Catch you later, Dad!" I mean baby's first words are always "dada" aren't they?
dad: let me see if i get this -- You miss being able to call me Dad?
annie(pretending to be hallie): yeah! i really have!!

i really cried in that part!!! i guess, i also missed my own father. i am now 17 and i swear maybe half of it was spent without him beside me. (my dad works out of the country and i only see him really once in a while...) i love my PAPA so much!! i always text him and tell him how much i am thankful that he's my father but he'll just say its "DRAMA!!!" (my Papa really is such a funny guy.,, siguro sa kanya ko namana yung pagiging jolly and pagiging joker ko!) he was not able to graduate from college that's why he tries his best to let me in to the university and finish my studies kasi sabi nya "para hindi ka matulad sakin" but hey... wala na kong mas gugustuhin pang tularan kundi si Papa... he works hard for everything. i look up to him... he's just the best for me... ( can't believe i'm crying right now while posting this! darn!! ) i remember, i cried upon blowing the candle during my 7th birthday (reason: cause namimiss ko si papa) and my papa's not there. i also once read this message from papa telling my mom that "Ma, kahit ako'y makalbo pa, kahit ako'y tumanda na at ikaw ay mabungi na kahit wala ka ng ipin.. mahal na mahal kita!" (aaaww.. sweet!!!)

we look like each other... as in... suuuuper!!! darn!!! (nose plang... i kinda hate it at times!!! laki kasi... Love you Pa!!!!

excess: a classmate sent this one,.. its very nice
wherever your dad may be at this moment, i know he was able to influence you to be as strong and determined like HIM!!!! (its so true!!!)

whats hot??

2007-05-11T06:17:00.000-07:00

there are new posts on the other blog.. please come see it!! thanks!!!
http://es_eich22.blogs.friendster.com/my_weblog/

sTeAdy Lang 'noH

2007-05-06T06:17:00.000-07:00

sCeNe: Two HouRs of SitTing ANd bRowsing insiDe A coLd coLd InTerNet sHop
feEling: so superr need to get a bathroom, im so gonna need a bLadder bReak!!

im cuRrEntLy at This InTernet shop, and it so fReakiN' coLd.. naKashorTs kaya ako.. anLamig gRabe!! pero ok Lng.. at Least tHeRe's nO mOre Nid To tHink aBout NurSing HisTories, Caring, and MicROorganisms!!!

Livin' the Life.
Luvin it.
TakiNg a BrEak.

it's oUr TurN to fEeL The sEaSon!!!
it's sUmMeRR!!!!

what goes around comes around

2007-04-28T09:42:00.000-07:00

some call it karma but ...

...in Newton's third law it is "for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction"

the statement means that in every interaction, there is a pair of forces acting on the two interacting objects. the size of the forces on the first object equals the size of the force on the second object. the direction of the force on the first object is opposite to the direction of the force on the second object. forces always come in pairs - equal and opposite action-reaction force pairs. (okay enuf of the physics!!!)

this only explains why everytime we're happy, we smile...
when we feel dead tired, we sleep...
when we study, we get high grades...
if we persevered, we get rewarded...
everytime we're sad... we cry!!

[LAST WEEK]

{monday}
i was so freakin' out of my system.
i don't know what happened but i marked my uniform with my highlighter pen.
im super damn engot (plus the whole day i was suffering from a really bad abdominal cramps!)
can things get any worse....? wait until the next!!
{tuesday}
is an RLE day.. all were shocked upon the announcement that were gonna have the graded return demo after the break!!!
as a known engot person that i am, i am not able to review well and memorize the procedure.. (i will not elaborate more on this... just let me take this space to say sorry chay! masakit pa ba pgkka IM ko sau?) and thats the whole story.. i got a 76 for that.. just imagine whatta disappointment it is for me.. i was very saddened.. =c
(i was suffering diarrhea the whole day, i just drank medicine para hindi istorbo while in class --gosh! t'is so humiliating ha!!)
{wednesday}
this day... wala naman atang nangyaring matino... nyahaha... just skip this day!!
{thursday}
i luv this day!! hahaha.. eto na ang equal and opposite reaction ng lahat ng kamalasang naganap sa mga nakaraang araw!! eto yung pinaka gusto kong part!!! i went to school very relaxed and prepared kasi alam ko na may graded return demo, so sa bahay pa lang memorized ko na ang procedure. kaya nung pagdating ko ng school, all i did was to refresh my memory and bug 'em up!! haha.. confident ako that time kasi i knew that i reviewed... and im prepared!! so our turn came and i performed well, (except for some mistakes kasi di naman maiiwasan yun, la namang taong perfect eh) and yun nga.. i only got a 93 for that, pero ok na rin yun. that 93 is just enough to fill in the 76 that i got from the previous performace! i am so shit happy!!
{fRidaY}
my-turn-to-report day!!! i reported about Hepatitis A, B, and C viruses... okay, di ko na i eexpand pa.. baka di makarelate ang iba!!! basta yun.,

{saturday}
were supposed to have a role-playing type of report.. all 4 groups prepared kaso lang istir si mam... indianera.. haha.. our clinical instructor was asked to look over something kaya she is not able to attend to our make up class.. so walang nangyari!!! this day, natulog ako at 3:30pm sabi ko i was just gonna nap... i woked up it was already 7:30pm na.. whatta!! grabeng nap!! and that is why up until now (1:53am na!) e gising pa rin ako --doing this blog and stuffs!!

so to sum it all up... anong kinalaman ng Newton's Third law sa week na 'to??

ganito ksi un... diba on the first half of the week i had blood-sucking events na parang ikakamatay ko na, i had diarrhea tapos i got 76 pa.. yun yung first object.. at yung second object naman na nagpa-equal and nag oppose sa reaction ay yung pagkakaroon ko ng 93 at yung pagkakataon matulog on a saturday afternoon!! haha...

weird and crazy man ang week na ito... ok parin.. kasi i got a chance to talk to some of my classmates na dati akala ko mahirap i approach.. i have new friends now... and i'll greet them.

hello to: jeff alfon, jm aquino, pam, peter, al arbis, jerry-me, jackie, aiken, jay marx, alane, jo-anne at marami pa.. yung mga nakalimutan ko, sa next blog ko na lng kayo babatiin!!! ciao girl!! hahahah

thanks to: KP, Sophie, ate Pia, Kai, Chay, and Eula luvYah girLs...

nUnG bAta pA aKo aT pAg TaNda Ko

2007-04-07T01:32:00.000-07:00

When were still kids we often say "pag tanda ko gusto ko..." but when when were already grown up we look back to those odd things we do and say "nung bata pa ako..."

sabi ko noon sa sarili ko na PagtaNda ko gUsto ko...

1. Makapag aral sa College at Makakilala ng marami at iba't ibang klase ng tao
2. Pumunta sa Boracay
3. MaginG pRivAte NurSe ng Pitt FamiLy
4. MakAkiTa Ng MaRamiNg ceLeb or that i waNt to Be oNe oF TheM
5. Go out of town with friends/classmates
6. Live heaLthieR Life (sTay aWaY fRom anYthing Bad aNd at LeasT hAv a reGuLaR eXeRciSe)
7. Maging successful ako iN eVerYThing i Do
8. Yumaman ako (as iN yUng LoTsa LoTsa MoNey)
9. Makita koNg HapPy ang PareNts ko
10. Live A lIFe cLosEr to God

at NgaYon NgaNg MaTanda Na Ko as I look Back nasasabi ko na LaNg na nUnG bAta Ako...

1. aNg supEr duPer Likot/kuLit ko
2. MaLdiTa ako! iLang YayA aTa YunG napAaLis ko (*aaw, now i piTy TheM)
3. I was so super duper mega uber sipag to sTudy
4. I was so super duper acTive iN joiNing acaDeMic/non-AcaDeMic aCTiViTiEs
5. I was so super duper puti (nGaYon super duPer NegRa nA!!!)
6. Im rude and I answer back to my mom
7. I disObeY hoUse RuLes
8. I go oUt wiTh Kids who doEs thE daRnesT Things (thiNgs Like: say baDwords, sMoke, cuT class and etc...)
9. I disReGard tHe facT tHaT i May Get sicK if I plAy out wiThout slippers
10. I doNt pRacTice good-seLf HyGienE (i doN't usually cOmB mY hAiR, bRush mY TeEtH or EvEn to WasH hAnDs b4 aNd AfTeR eaTing)
11. I was Such a Kid who haNgs OuT wiTh The Boys and aDapt thEir wAy of Life (b4 i bLivd i wAs a Guy 'coZ i'm alwYs wiTh bUnChes of dEm)
12. Im aFrAd To LeARn NeW ThiNgs
13. I doNt go To chuRch reguLarLy

indeed all that i put up there was true. everyone (even You, the one who reads this) look back to younger years and say "ano bang mga pinag-gagawa ko nung bata ako? dati ba, ano gusto ko maging pagtanda ko?"
foolishness to say that PeoPLe don't want to go back to tHeir childhood... EvRyone wants to...
..go Back To THe TiMe wHen we are young and carefree... we don't bother what people thinks about us, we are not bothered by the growing population, we don't care about the fare hike, we don't care about money, we don't care if we skip meals, we don't care if we don't sleep... we don't value things around us.
But now tHat we are yeArs oLder tHan bEfoRe, we face reaLity. all of a suDden EvRyThiNg coUnts...
... we are always thinKing about what other people would say about how we look, what we do, how we act, where we'll go, and stuffs like that, we are very much affected with the explosive increAse in OuR popuLation, we are very sensitive when it comes to fare hikes, we worry aBout budgeting and mOney, wE skIp meaLs bEcaUSe we are all toO bUsY, we miss OuR beds because we hardLy even sLeep (sTaying up all nighT ruNNing afTer a deAdLine)... We value each moment for we have realized that any minute our life can be taken away. We thank God foR every morning we are abLe to WaKe up, wiTness The suNshIne and sTaRt a New daY fuLL oF hoPes and DreAMs...

personally, at 17 i already did some things that I wanted to do when I was Younger. I am now in College and continuously meeting different kinds of people from different walks of Life, i hAv beEn in BoRa, i aLreAdy had an Out of Town Trip wiTh my gRoupmatEs (in BaTanGas), i hav seen my paRents happy, and I have been closer to God.

there are still a lot of thins na gusto ko gawin or ma-accomplish when i get older. But all of those doesn't matter to me as of the moment. I look back in my past and I look forward to my future but it's just that. I dont live in the past or get drowned by the hopes of my future. I just live my life. Treasure each day. Thank God for the miracle i recieve every morning. Put my heart in every moment, enjoy and make the most out of it.

Guys. School. Blogs. Laguna.

2007-03-26T07:22:00.000-07:00

Laguna.

We went in Laguna to chill (yeah!) last Saturday… all expense paid trip… (care of tita amy-thanks!!!) swimming, eating, singing, sight seeing, and everything. Cheers! ‘twas all fun. Considering that schools gonna start in a few days time we really made the most out of it.

Blogs.

I really enjoy blog hopping now. Reading thoughts, ideas, and feelings of different people (especially those who I don’t really know) really is also relaxing. Blogs are surely such works of arts. pinaghihirapan ng bloggers ang mga posts nila to share it with the public, hoping that they will get something from the posts. I hope that mine makes sense to you.

School.

Today is Monday so dalawang tulog na lang back to school na. Start na kasi ng summer classes (which is something that I look forward to-bukod sa mga interesting na subjects ay ang mga dati kong kakilala na ngayon ay magiging mga kaklase ko na!)

(the following lines were not the exact words that they said, pero most likely ganyan yun)

Sophie said: friends tayo ah, tabi tayo sa silya!
Ate Pia said: buti naman classmate na kita bhebi shinzzz!!!
KP said: pag alphabetically arranged ang seat plan, magkatabi tayo!!
Catherine said: uy! Classmate!!! See you on Wednesday!

Hehe.. I’m so nervous and excited na rin at the same time!! First impression lasts kasi eh..

Guys.

Guy # 1: the over reacting “ex-boyfriend na” of a friend
I am someone who forwards text messages to the lists of friends found in my cell phone and in the past few days I have been sending a lot to everyone.

One day, I was shocked when this “ex-boyfriend na” texted me..

Guy#1: “sobra na ata! Ha?! Nung una di ko lang pinapansin pero parang ngayon sobra na ata!” (he was referring to the forwarded quotes)…
so I texted him back
me: “wala un ‘noh! Forwarded quotes lang yung mga yun.. send to list, nagkataon lang na nasa list ka kaya nakakatanggap ka…”
Guy#1: (di sya naniniwala)
Me: "kung ayaw mo maniwala.. di wag… sorry kung natatamaan ka sa mga quotes… masyado ka naman seryoso…"
Guy#1: (wala.. kung ano anong pinagsasabi nya sa text., di talaga sya naniniwala)
Me: (masama loob ko sa kanya!)

My point here is… why would you over react over stupid quotes na ilang beses ng pinag pasapasahan ng iba’t ibang tao. My Gulay!!! For Hell’s sake… O.A. ha!!! I know how he feels when they broke up, alam ko gaano kasakit yun… pero haler?? Patulan ba ang mga quotes??? I swear never to talk to that “ex-boyfriend na” ever ever never again!! It really made me feel bad ‘noh… after all… ano nga lang ba kami sa relationship nila, kundi dakilang-taga-tago-ng-illegal-relationship-nila. Ano ba naman yun dba?? Kahit utang-na-loob wala man lang siya!! Shit sya!!!

Guy#2: the “sikret-sikretang admirer” yata…

One night..
Me: (super duper forward forward na naman ng quotes,..)
Guy#2: (super duper comment comment sa mga sinesend kong quotes)
Me: (send pa rin quotes)
Guy#2: (he commented on one of the quotes I sent him) "kahit naman may gusto ako, masaya na ako na nakakabiruan ko sya at nakakakulitan, enuf na yun para sa araw araw kong stay sa skul…"
Me: (wondering who he was reffering to)

Ang guys talaga… minsan parang ewan!! Actually di lang pala minsan… madalas… EWAN!)

Guy#3: “the super genius dati turned tamad na ngayon”

Me: wala lang.. I like him. I think If he likes me then kami na! joke!

Weird ba? Gusto ko lang siya isama sa list ng guys… para cute!!

Guy#4: he’s no secret.., its my “father”

Dad: "Pagbutihan mo anak ang pag-aaral mo… mahal na mahal ka namin ni mama mo!"
Me: "ginagawa ko yung best ko para di masayang paghihirap nyo. Mis u and luv u"
Dad: "Mag-iingat ka anak sa mga lakad mo ha. Mag seryoso ng kilos, mahal na mahal ka namin ni mama mo"
Me: "Nag-iingat ako palagi. Mahal ko din po kayo"

Text messages really means a lot to people.. specially to me dahil ang dad ko nsa ibang bansa… thru text messaging kasi para ko na rin sya nakakasama…

That’s it for now muna… antok na ako…

Shout out: happy birthday MHCRB, Ate Shella, and Neryl Ann Bugs

Champion ang kombinasyon…

2007-03-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

Sipag at tiyaga!!
Phew!!! It’s been five long months… one semester!! One disaster!!!

Its crazy when I look back how did these five months had passed the way it did.
Really freaky… it was like dreaming a nightmare that you just want to wake up…, but upon waking up... You’ll realize that this is not a dream but it is a reality… it will eat you up until you quit. But hey!! There’s one thing I have learned in my High School…, that is when you spell “quit” it would be spelled as N-E-V-E-R as in never!! I have been a nursing student for two years (yes… two rollercoaster years!!! And oh my.., I missed high school) and I promise, quitting this course have always been an option but with so much shame with other people, I simply just can’t do it. I’m ashamed that they would think I’m a failure. I’m afraid they will think I am a loser.
Enough of the drama… October of 2006 was the month my cousins from “Switzerland” came home for vacation.., it was also the month for semestral break. It was all fun. We all did well. But all the good things have come to an end. After semestral break was the time to go back to school. Go back to reality that I am a nursing student.
(This is a breakdown of how it had been these past five months…)

November. All the first.

First Day of 2nd semester
First Day to meet new classmates
First day to be late??? WTF!!! I was late for my PE class, coz I left my registration form at home, so I had to go back… ending I’m late. Okay fine. Forgiven.
First Day to meet my new groupmates in RLE. Some old faces and some are new. It was one fine ocular inspection. Barangay Ligas 2 is our new adopted community. Here is where all the things will start to go round.
Student Nurses’ Week came from this month, and we got the chance to see Bamboo live in concert. It was just an urgent decision. We’re not suppose to watch it but upon hearing all the people scream and all excited to see bamboo, “Enviousness” made us want to buy tickets for the show, good thing there’s still some. And we are lucky enough to get into the front spot. So cool!!! It made me conclude that after all these years, may it be Rivermaya or Bamboo… Francisco Mañalac is still the coolest-hottest-greatest pinoy band vocalist ever!!!!
It was also the month when my friend Kim’s ate Kaye got married. Well, Congrats at least happy endings came true… for some.

December. It’s Christmas time.

Well, we did the interviews in the community. We all did some planning for the future activities in the community also. And Prelim examination was kinda easy with the “E” and “Z” haha… (that’s not funny though… ;p)
Christmas Vacation had never been this bowreeenngg!!! With really nowthiiiingg to do. Well… for me, I gained weight by sleeping, eating, watching tv, sitting in front of the computer for hours, eating, and sleep again. Okay, to be honest, I was a little lazy (maybe not little!! Hehe)
Christmas with the family has never been that lonely. It really made me miss all my filipino-swiss-austrian cousins. With my little sweet cousin lorraine (beshie, as we call each other, she is 8 and a half years old) wrote me a Christmas card saying “Merry Christmas ate Sheennee, Always Remember Me. Keep this in your mind and heart: I love you. Love, Lorraine.” It was indeed such a sweet message. So in return, I wrote her back and said “Merry Christmas! Would you still beshie me in the morning? (Adapted from the movie CLICK)”
It was not all that much for this month. A new year had come and it was the time for…

January. Rush Rush Rush.

We all got back to school on the 3rd of January. Planned for future activities in the community during the 4th and had some catching up with friends the whole first week of the year. We had a new professor in PE (volleyball) she is an award wining SEA Games lawn tennis medalist Ms. Belen Dante.
We met up with Barangay Ligas 2’s Barangay Officials *well, not all officials* to talk about the welfare of their community during the 11th. Then we settled to make a community health assembly a week after.
January 15th was my good high school friend Kryzzle’s Eighteenth Birthday. I went to their house that day ‘coz I would not be able to attend her so-called party on the 21st. Good thing she had two celebrations. At least I’m part of the other one. So sorry I missed one of the most important parts of your life.
January 18th came and everything went fine. The assembly was a bit disappointing at first but it ended well so it made each group members really exhausted.
January 21st was the NAT-CEM or the should-I-say battery examination, a qualifying exam before entering the college of nursing proper. It was kind of a entrance examination for the upcoming Third year students. That day was also the birthday of my super-kaduper-ever-dearest crushness Richard Gutierrez and his twin brother Raymond.
January 31st was Jonna’s debut. Wow!! (Updates for Jonna… well may boyfriend na sya. Dalaga na eh!!!) She treated us pizzas and pizzas and pizzas *with drinks of course*.
Everythings in a rush academically. School projects and paper works filled up. So… gosh!!!

February. It’s the love month… and a week with my dad. :(

On the 4th was Sophia’s birthday.
During the 7th was Hazel’s birthday.
And by the time 11th came, who else could have been as excited as me and mom.
11th was the day when my dada comes back home after a year of doing odd work in China (my father works in china as a factory worker for almost a year.)
He is just spending a week here. So we made the most out of it. Mama left work for a week to spend time with dad since he only had a short stay here. It was also the University Week / Intramurals and others so basically I also got a time off. I also did spent time with dad. It was all fun. He cleaned the whole house, from sweeping even the tiniest dust to the point of moving each household furniture to make the whole house look a little bigger. The house was basically a home with dad around. We are all cracking jokes, having all smiles, eating together, attending mass together and were simply a happy family. The house was full of noise coming from a 40-year old man’s voice making kwento about his life way back where he came from.
His short stay here made me realize how-the-hell I miss him so much. Spending most of my life with him working abroad for our family’s finances made me grew up without that certain father figure. Blaming myself for being the reason why he had to leave.
I really hate to see mama so sad that day he had to leave again. The loudness in the house was replaced by the silence made by his absence. For few days, mama and I didn’t talk, It took some time to go back to a regular routine.
It was indeed a mixed feeling without him.
But all sad things come with a happy ending. By the end of the month, my group mates and I went in Batangas to do some group study and to do a little refreshment also. We hurried up and finished the group study until midnight so that we all could have fun the day after it. We finished almost 2 am, slept for a few hours. Woked up at 7 am, had a little walk, ate breakfast and went to the ilog to swim and have fun. We all left Batangas 3pm that afternoon and then I reached home 5pm. Went to church 6pm. I’m so ashamed to catch myself sleeping during the mass, my head dropping in so much tiredness Haha…
Love month is not all for couples…, Happiness is a choice. Being single is my choice, I may not know how long will I take this as an option, but for now all I know is that being single is happy, it is my choice.

March. Defense! Defense! Defense!

March 1st was the day we had to defend the community case study we’d been up to the past month. This defense thing was also the reason why we have to make an overnight group study in Batangas. The Day was fine, I am freaking nervous but I had to show everyone I’m not. Trying to be confident presenting our work, I started to stutter and stumble words that is not familiar to both me and the panel, I made my report fast so that they won’t have any chance to ask,.. haha… then came the question and answer which I won’t elaborate much to avoid the weird feeling recalling that moment.

March is still in the process… Final Exams had just finished. 2nd year second semester has also ended, and it all left me with a smile on my face being able to know that I passed the NAT-CEM examination, I had a thousand of pesos given by my tita as a reward for being good academically, realizing I will be a regular student since I didn’t had any grade lower than the required grade, and knowing that I will come forward to the next level of this course. It will surely be hard but I always look forward to all the challenges to come.
Sorry for the long post. My… I missed blogging!!!!!!!! I wish to blog more regularly this time.

hatred...

2006-12-02T10:12:00.000-08:00

Top 6 things to hate about our home country Philippines:

1st OVER POPULATION
What is our country’s land area? And how many are we?
I’m afraid that one day we’ll all sleep standing due to this problem..

2nd POLLUTION
Anything fresh can only be enjoyed in rural areas.

3rd TRAFFIC
Can we do something about it??

4th WEATHER
Oh my gosh!! It’s so hot!!

5th CORRUPTION
Can the politicians think about the people first before themselves?
Isn’t it their sworn duty to serve the people and provide for them the things they deserve to have??

6th MONEY
Kung ang $1=P49.60
Eh ang P1= anong equivalent??
Tuloy parang walang value ang ating money eh. Tapos laki pa ng utang natin sa world bank. Hindi ka pa born may debt ka na. WTF!!!

poor country... HOPELESS!!

memories..

2006-11-18T15:24:00.000-08:00

I scanned my childhood pictures. I can't help but be nostalgic. thinking and wishing i could go
back to the time i was innocent and free from any polutions that came from the reality of life.
how i miss these days.. how i wish i could go back...

Its funny how people reminisce about their younger years.
(that's me)

.. and this is how weird i recall my childhood
(the "nuevaespana" blood that ties them!!)

i would always have my birthday with my relatives.
(tante joy w/ priscilla, tante jackie w/ neal, jasmin, me and roseanne)

my cousin jasmin has a big part on my childhood..
she's always in every single impt. moment of it!! (love you cousin!!)

we're i guess partners during talent time!!
(kaso.. nagiging parang talent na lang nya.. kasi
tingnan nyo naman, inagawan ako ng mic!! ;p)

being a child means Good times, all fun and clean thinking..

i will never exchange someone else's life for mine..

'coz i love my life from the moment i was born up to the last breath of my life...

Next thing i knew..

2006-10-18T11:46:00.000-07:00

These past 4days, I’ve been reading these books (and I’ve plans to read more books, so that’ll keep me busy these sem break) books such as “a walk to remember” by Nicholas Sparks and “the gift” by Danielle Steel. I know I can get a little mushy, baduy and korni most of the time. So please bear with me. Haha. Sorry. It is amazing how wonderful things came. But does that make sense??

When I came to think about it, it was exhausting. Last week during our exams, I was horrible, I have thought of getting things worst. Something like not passing the requirements, not bothering about the clearance, thinking of not going to school anymore, and not being myself. it felt like everything’s gonna come down, I felt sad for no reason! And I was weird! I even told my friends what I was feeling, I feel something heavy behind my back, and I’ve almost wanted to die. For reasons I don’t know why. It’s not clear. I really messed up. I dreamt of having somebody beside me, but when I woke up, there’s nobody I’m with. Well then, I’m lonely. Sometimes I would always wanted to dream, for there I’ve had good things with me no pressure, no problems, no troubles just happiness. For the last week I have always wanted to sleep and not to wake up anymore. Yes, I know it was horrible for me to even think about it. Where could have been my faith in god? Gosh! Am I losing it? Oh sure I’m not! I won’t allow things to get worse than that.

I was in the jeepney then, last Sunday with ma and tante, when the jeep came across a street where a mother and her child was happily taking a bath along the sidewalk they were getting the water from the “kanal” (imagine how dirty could have been!) and still they’re having fun. Not thinking about how dirty it was, not thinking about what infections they can acquire from that, not thinking about their financial status, not having been bothered by the things going on around them and not anxious on how miserable their situation were. They just got along with their lives trying to utilize of what was accessible for them. Sure that they’re problems were bigger than mine and yet I felt more horrible than them, when I shouldn’t have to. I was inside the jeepney and I couldn’t do anything but to look at them, feel really lucky that my family were not that poor to reach that situation, I was sorry for them, I wanted to help, but what can I do? I can’t do anything, at least for now. Sure they have a lot faith with God than I do. And that I should take as example. They were sticking to God through their bad times and I’m sure never doubted him, for he has plans for everyone. I should never doubt God, even at the most terrible days of my life. This had been something: “I don’t need a reason to be angry with God!” and I know that even my so-called problems shouldn’t be a reason. I hope that anyone that reads this get to realize same things as I’ve realized.

Okay, that’s ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense it’s not even related to the thing I putted above but I wanted to put this here:

“Some people just come through our lives to bring us something, a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and that’s why they’re here. They’ll teach us something, maybe about love and giving and caring. That is their gift for us. They don’t intend to stay longer, just give that gift then move on. They’ll be a special soul. And you’ll have their gift forever”

Okay then, after thinking for things like that, for a while I was out of my system. I was staring in a distant. Looking nowhere, obviously still astounded by what I just saw (the mother and her son) then…

…next thing I knew

“oy, ikaw na lang dyan.. ‘lika na! baba na! dito na tayo”

Ma and tante went down the jeep na pala, I was so tulala to even hear that ma had been calling for me. Haha. “shit! I was such a…”

i hate school..

2006-08-02T17:28:00.000-07:00

crap! the hell i reaalllyyyy hate school.. todo effort ka na nga. useless.. still low scores.. para kasing walang nagsisink in sa utak ko every time i study.. i put too much effort na nga i have sacrificed everything.. malls, text, tv, computers wala na kong time sa mga yan dahil i spend my time for studying na lang tapos ganun pa din.. nakakainis.. i really did suck during prelims, theres too much to make habol sa midterm and finals. well. wish me luck....

im lost =(

2006-07-23T01:59:00.000-07:00

Matagal ko ng gusto mag blog ulit. I don’t know but I have this feeling that I had to blog. So many thoughts but yet pag nandito na, suddenly the thoughts were gone! I don’t know if it’s just because of the examination week or it’s just that I missed blogging.

School’s hell and I’m so messed up…
I’m totally lost…
Sometimes, life doesn’t go where you want it to be...
My brain seems to be thinking a lot… my body’s yearning to rest, add to this was the emotional torture… a feeling of uncertainty and confusion…

Naisip ko lang…
Bakit kaya kung ano yung gusto mo yun yung hindi para sayo…
at kung ano pa yung para sayo yun yung hindi mo gusto…

Well, towel… I guess ganun lang talaga ang buhay…
Hindi lahat ng gusto mo yun yung kailangan mo…
hindi lahat ng kailangan mo gusto mo...

guess who??

2006-06-25T05:59:00.000-07:00

hey, to set the record straight.. i for once, i'm sure that's not me.. haha..

see.. the trouble with sleeping is that folks awake would take advantage of your weakness.. think before you sleep!! (a friendly reminder from your cutie neighborhood, sheenskie)

surpsrise.. kainis kAyoW!!!

2006-06-25T05:54:00.000-07:00

we had a surprise debut party for our classmate yesterday.. this is only one of the pics we've had. that was taken after the program and after the candle blowing, unfortunately we are the casualties of the "pahid icing kalokohan" (sorry ross naputol ka sa picture!)

nothing more for now.. need to go..

let's be a little bit mushy..

2006-05-15T23:47:00.000-07:00

This is an excerpt from a movie which I find so familiar with the present day love stories.

(a scene after an art contest where Bujoy walked out after seeing Ned with Mary Ann, coming late for the contest)

Ned: bakit ka umalis ‘don?
Bujoy: Yun ang gusto ko!

Ned: ano bang sagot yan?
Bujoy: yun ang sagot ko!

Ned: Bujoy galit ka ba sa ‘kin?! Ha?! Galit ka ba??
Bujoy: akala ko ba walang iwanan sa ere? Iniwan mo ‘ko eh!
Ned: Dumating naman ako ah! Andito nga ‘ko oh!
Bujoy: nag promise ka sakin na hindi ka ma-le-late!
Ned: sinundo ko pa si Mary Ann!
Bujoy: nag promise ka rin sa ‘kin na hindi mo isasama ‘yang Mary Ann na ‘yan
Ned: ok, kaya ko sinama si Mary Ann, kasi mag-on na kami! At syempre ikaw ang gusto kong unang makaalam ‘nun dahil ikaw ang best friend ‘ko.
Bujoy: get out of my way!
Ned: Hindi ka ba masaya para sa ‘kin?
Bujoy: get out of my way!
Ned: Bujoy, ‘di ba etong gusto mo?
Bujoy: I said get out of my way!
Ned: ano bang nangyayari sa ‘yo?
Bujoy: wala kang pakialam!
Ned: Hindi na kita maintindihan eh!Bujoy: kelan mo ba ‘ko inintindi?
Ned: diretsuhin mo nga ‘ko! Dahil hindi ko kayang basahin kung ano ‘yang nandyan sa utak mo! Kung galit ka sabihin mo sakin, sabihin mo sakin kung bakit?! Kung nasaktan kita sampalin mo ‘ko! Sige gantihan mo ‘ko! Matatanggap ko lahat dahil kaibigan mo ‘ko eh.
Bujoy: Oh yes kaibigan mo ‘ko!! Kaibigan mo lang… ako. And that’s all I’ll ever be to you Ned. You’re bestfriend! Takbuhan mo ‘ko ‘pag may problema ka, taga-sunod, tagabigay ng advice, tagaenroll, taga-gawa ng assignment, taga-pagpasaya sa’yo kapag malungkot ka, taga-tanggap ng kahit ano! And I’m so stupid to make the biggest mistake of falling in love with my best friend. Dahil kahit kelan hindi mo naman ako makikita eh, kahit kelan hindi mo naman ako kayang mahalin ng higit pa sa isang kaibigan.
Ned: Bujoy. Bujoy.
Bujoy: ngayong alam mo na, I think you can get out of my life!
Ned: Bujoy, mahal kita. Mahal kita Bujoy! Mahal na mahal kita kaya lang naduduwag ako. Kung magka-relasyon tayo, pano kung...

(Dun na naputol ang pagrerecord ko... hay, very sad scene, pero nice movie. Baket? Kasi sa story na ‘to mahal rin ni Ned si Bujoy, and in the end nagkatuluyan sila. Kung tutuusin may pagka baduy and teeny-bopper nga ‘yung movie pero ‘diba? Think about it, Hindi ba maraming modern day fairytales ang katulad ng story nila.)

Happy mother’s day!!

2006-05-08T02:49:00.000-07:00

This entry was so different from all the others. I may be jolly, witty, and hyper but there are always two sides of a coin right? This would be my other side, the dramatic, serious, deep and heartwarming side of me.

I can’t say that my mother was the best mother in the whole wide universe, but I can say that as far as 16-plus years of my life spent with her, she has been a great mother to me. Let me recall those days with her…

The Not so Good side…

Every mother has its evil side, admit it or not there’s one point in our lives that we hated them for their so much being “pakialamera”, being “madaldal”, and making “kulit” to us. And I’m one of you, in fact I was still in that stage, I hated my mother for her so much being inquisitive. She’s noisy and super annoying. I could still remember we would fight about little things and argue about the simplest things in life. When I was still a kid we often fight, maybe it’s because of ignorance “sympre bata pa eh” I was super hard headed, I don’t listen to her, and I don’t follow things that she wants me to do, then she gets mad and shout at me even in the middle of the street or in the middle of the night she doesn’t care kahit there’s so many people looking to us. I don’t know why I would always want to fight with her I find it so fun, cool, and exciting especially when she’s already transforming into a devil-like structure “para na siyang si The HULK na babaeng version”. But still by the end of the day I’ll be the one ending up crying (nokokonsyensya kasi ‘ko.) It was always like that. So then the story goes on. For me, it’s very depressing. My mama works all day, sometimes going home super late and then when she’s at home that’s the scene I’m gonna be witnessing. I’m like “umuwi ka pa!” Perhaps the fun and excitement that I feel while arguing with her is because of the attention I wanted from her, “pag pinapagalitan ka kasi ibig sabihin love ka!” Maybe in that way I feel I was loved. Years have passed naman and um-okay naman kami. I entered high school and things went on normally, a little argument and conflict cannot be avoided but those were already little things to me. Naging little na rin kasi ang time nya for me. She still works until midnight, sometimes hindi umuuwi. But I understand my mama works in an export company and it does need attention a whole day or more. She’d rather work than stay at home. There were times I pity her, she would come home sleepless and tired then she still has to do something else. Nakakaawa talaga si mama. Lalo na pag umuuwi syang may asthma tapos dinadagdagan ko pa by being so pasaway at pagsagot ng pabalang . I should understand her diba, besides she’s doing this for me, I’m an only child but my needs are so much that made both my parents work (my father is an OFW and mother is an employee) and yet kulang pa rin. There were times kasi that the employer wouldn’t give their salaries on time, we had to borrow money from relatives just to put up something on our table and also just to pay for school/house rent/bills. Nabaon yata kami sa utang. I would ask “Bakit ganun? Dalawa na nga silang nagwowork, kulang pa rin?!” I grew up only with a guardian. Seldom times I would be going to parks they didn’t knew that they’ve already missed seeing me change from a kid to a teen. Naasar ako sa kanila, Why would both of them work and just leave me with a guardian? Kung good life and better future ang kapalit ng pagtatarabaho nila at pag-iwan sakin, bakit hindi ko yun nararamdaman? Nasaan ang good life? Ang better future? Bakit hanggang ngayon sa apartment pa rin kami nakatira? So much misery and bitterness filled in my mind. Add to that was my mother’s being “pala-utos” nawalan kami ng katulong, since I was in my second year high school; she made me like her maid. Kaliwa’t kanan kung mag-utos, kaya nya namang gawin mag-isa i-uutos pa. Kahit pag-abot ng tubig, at kung anu-ano pang bagay na within reach naman nya. Tapos eto pa, She’s pushing me so hard to lose weight. She would remind me to slow down eating, have an exercise and all that. It’s very annoying. Can’t she just accept me for who I am? Other mothers there, they support their kids no matter what size they were, tapos yung mama ko, iba sya. Eto pa mas masaklap dyan, She was never contented with my achievements, if I was in top7, she would ask for top6, if I would be in top6, she would want top5. She always wants the highest. I had 92% ranking in school. Still she’s not happy with it, she even say, “92 ka lang??” “eh hello?? 92 kaya was a very high grade na!” Other parents nga dyan, happy and nagpaparty na maka 75 lang ang anak nila, kuntento na sila nang nakakapasa, tapos ako naka 92, naka top4 and top5 (before) still hindi pa rin enough. I lost my self-confidence, I feel so ugly, and I feel so stupid. I was self-conscious, I feel unliked, unloved, and I was so pathetic then.

Like last April 16, 2006 Sunday around 11am or 12, inside a mall, we were then in a escalator, we are arguing over buying a gift for a neighbor (kapitbahay ah, as in hindi naman namin kamag-anak, they’re not even close to us, na-invite lang kami.) She was choosing the most expensive thing, and I reacted, I said “bakit mo bibigyan ng regalo yun? Hindi mo naman yun kamag anak! Hindi rin naman tayo close sa kanila! Hindi ka naman nila binibigyan ng regalo pag ikaw o ako yung may birthday ah! Bakit ka pa mag aaksaya ng pera para sa kanila, eh tayo nga wala ng pang tawid gutom eh, tapos yan ipapamigay mo lang, sinasayang mo lang pera mo! Wala ka ngang pera pambili ng bagong gamit eh, tapos ang lakas pa ng loob mo bumili ng regalo?! Bili ka na lang ng gamit para sa sarili mo mas mabuti pa.” she got mad at me she answered me in a loud voice, “Ang SELFISH mo! Siguro pag tanda mo mag-isa ka lang kasi ang damot mo! Hindi ka marunong makisama!”. Nasaktan ako dun syempre, tagos sa puso, selfish bang isipin na wala na nga kaming pera pambili ng sariling damit tapos siya magreregalo ng mamahalin sa isang taon kung tutuusin mas mayaman pa sa amin. Selfish bang isipin kong ibili na lang nya ng sarili nyang gamit ang pera instead ibili ng regalo? Kung selfish nga ang tawag dun, baka nga tama sya. I am selfish. Pero yung tumanda akong mag-isa, never!

And the Good Thing about it…

Despite all those sad stories between me and mama, we were ok naman. With all the disaster, arguments and misunderstanding between us, in some ways it made me stronger, it made me understand her more, and it helped our relationship as mother and daughter to blossom. We share jokes and fun moments. When there’s bad there’s good. There’s a positive and negative. Hindi naman puro bad lang ang mama ko, mabait daw sya (sabi ng mga classmates ko), patient, hardworking, (sa work syempre, hindi sa bahay ah!) caring and understanding. She understands my tantrums, sometimes she doesn’t make patol during times na sinusumpong ako. And after all she carried me for almost 9 months in her womb, she took care of me during times that yet I can’t take care of my self, she supported my needs, and she loved me rin naman siguro kahit papaano. After that escalator event, I’ve learned to value things, I was scared to be alone when I get older. All I wanted was her happiness, if sharing her little blessings in life makes her happy, then who am I to stop her from doing so. If seeing me losing a little weight makes her a little more proud of me, then why not. If being the best in class and having a good grades puts a smile on her face, then I would really try my best to be the best and I’ll study harder to reach the highest grade and eventually put on a little smile to her very pretty face. I am proud that my mother that she raised me up so well, God fearing with much love and attention from all the people who surrounds me. She has taught me to value all the things in life, be independent, fight for my right, respect people, be thankful, and made me brave to face the things ahead. My mama is a strong willed and tough woman; I was the same, that’s basically the reason why we clash most of the time. Many times I have questions about her and my father, but I’ll always ending up realizing that every single thing that they sacrificed now, were all for me. I should not be selfish, I should not blame them, hindi naman nila ginusto yun, they did not want these things to happen, I’m sure that as much as they’d like to, they wanted to spend a day with me, cracking up jokes and eating good food together. I love my parents so much. I value them as much as they value me as their only daughter. They should not worry I know my responsibilities. And one day, when I already finished studying, done with these, when I already have a good job, and able to provide, it’ll be all my turn. I will support them, they don’t need to work anymore and all they had to do was to sit back and relax. These days they would say that they’re working so hard to provide for me, and in return I say that I am studying so hard to be able to finish studies for them. At least finally, we are functioning as a family. Hope to see things this way. Hirap at kapos man kami, malayo man kami sa papa ko, masasabi ko naman masaya kami, mahal namin ang isa’t isa, kumpleto kami. Buhay ang both parents ko. Andyan ang diyos sa tabi namin. Umaasa naman kami na hindi nya kami pababayaan.

Mother is a woman who conceives, gives birth to a child, raises and nurtures it. My ma wasn’t different from many others, and our story wasn’t also different from yours. No matter how much we hated them, they will still be our moms. Diba nga “mother knows best”. If your mother is still alive it is not yet too late to say “I love you” or “I’m sorry” or “Thank you”. If she already left you, don’t worry, I’m sure she’s been watching you all the way from up there, you can also say those words to her, I’m sure she’ll listen. There’s no mom na hindi iniisip ang anak nila tuwing gabi bago matulog, walang nanay ang hindi nag-aalala sa kalagayan ng kanilang anak. We as their children must and always remember that. Wag natin silang i-judge sa kung ano man ang nagawa nilang mali, instead, isipin natin ang lahat ng mabuti tungkol sa kanila. Intindihin natin sila. Mahal lang talaga tayo.

Although I know that hindi naman mahilig mag internet si ma at kahit alam kong never nya ‘tong mababasa, ilalagay ko pa rin dito ang gusto kong sabihin sa kanya,
“Para sa aking napakabait at napaka pasensyosang Nanay. Hehe. Ma. Sorry kung makulit ako at pasaway. Kung mareklamo ako. Sorry if I failed you a lot of times already. Sorry talaga. Thank you sa lahat ng bagay na nagawa mo para sakin. Alam ko kung gaano ka nahihirapan nang wala si papa dito, sorry nga pala kasi kung di dahil sakin siguro hindi nya kailangan magtrabaho sa ibang bansa. Gusto ko malaman mo na thankful ako na nagging nanay kita, at kahit na palagi kong sinasabi na gusto kong magkaron ng ibang nanay, sobrang hindi totoo yun, sinasabi ko lang yun para asarin ka. Ma, sobrang mahal na mahal kita. Ayokong nakikita kang malungkot or namomroblema. Nahihirapan ako pag nakikita kitang nahihirapan. Hindi ko man madalas pinapakita o pinanapramdam sayo. Mahal kita sobra! Happy Mother’s Day”

And to all mothers Happy Mother’s Day!! To all people that read this entry, thanks so much. I’d be happy to read on some comments from you. Do not judge my Ma based on what you read. After all you don’t know her. Just be kind to me. I’m young and I’m in this stage called “confusion” I hope you’d all bear with me. Thanks.

What is love?

2006-05-06T00:28:00.000-07:00

Kung tutuusin hindi naman ako ang taong dapat nagsasalita tungkol sa love, dahil never pa naman akong nagkaboyfriend ((Pero na-inlove na rin naman ako before. At ayoko nang maalala yun)), member ako ng samahan ng mga babaeng “no boyfriend since birth”. But as I witnessed friends gone through a lot with love, aba! Syempre kahit papaano ay may alam na rin naman ako.

Okay. What is love nga ba?? Madalas nating na-e-encounter ang tanong na yan nung nasa grade school pa tayo. sa mga slambook diba?? Love is blind, love is magastos, love is like a rosary that’s full of mystery, love is sacrifice; love has four letters; two vowels and two consonants. Hay. Ang babaw pala nang pagkakadescribe natin sa love noong nasa elementarya pa tayo. Tinatawanan pa nga natin yun eh diba? Pero kung iisipin natin, ang “love” pala ay isang bagay na dapat sineseryoso at hindi dapat pinagtatawanan. (Note: wag naman “sobrang” seryoso na para kang magpapa-i.d. picture o as in hindi ka na ngumingiti. anything sobra is bad na rin naman..)

As we get older and meet people mas lumalawak ang pag intindi natin sa love, kasi habang tumatanda tayo, nakakilala tayo ng mga tao na pwede nating mahalin. May it be your parents, friends or sa opposite gender. Marami rin namang kinds of love Kung tutuusin, love for self, love for god, love for parents, love for friends, and ang pinakamatindi sa lahat eh yung love shared for someone in particular, (guys for girls; girls for the guys).

“LOVE” makes the world go round daw.. (cno ba si “love” at he makes the world go round?? Hehehe.. joke lang po.. kayong mga nagbabasa.. masyadong seryoso..) but no joke, totoo yun. love really does makes our world go round. Round kasi ang love, never ending.. infinite ito, walang katapusan, it’s a cycle, paulit-ulit.. umiikot ang love sa buhay ng lahat ng tao, kung walang love eh baka nga patay na tayong lahat.. ano pa kayang essence ng life kung walang love diba?? Hindi nga naman kasi iisang klase lang ang love, wala ka mang boyfriend/girlfriend, present pa rin ito, yung paggising natin sa umaga proof na yun that love exist, the fact that God love us, enough to make us open our eyes and start a new day, and also if you see your mom/dad/yaya prepare breakfast for everyone, ibig sabihin love nila kayo kasi pinagluto nya kayo eh. Love is all around us. Parang hangin din yan, hindi man natin nakikita pero present yan kahit saan, hanggat may tibok ang puso lagi natin yang nararamdaman.

Teka, nasagot ba ang tanong natin kanina?? Parang hindi ata ah. Ok sige eto na.

Q:what is love?

A: There are many definitions about love. It is a feeling of intense desire and attraction toward a person with whom one is disposed to make a pair. It is deep, tender, indescribable feeling of affection. It’s an intense emotional attachment. It is not selfish or self-centered. Love is about giving and not about receiving. Maging martir ka na kung maging martir, pero wala kang magagawa.. nagmamahal ka eh.

We must not forget that as long as there is life there is love. It doesn’t mean that if you’re single eh you don’t have love or that no one loves you. Because in fact hindi mo lang alam or hindi mo lang siguro napapansin that everyone loves you. May mga taong palaging andyan para unawain ka, nagwoworry pag malungkot ka at kung anu-ano pa. friends ang tawag sa kanila. Bakit nga ba sila ganun sa’yo?? Kasi.. love ka nila.. :)

summer day..

2006-04-14T11:59:00.001-07:00

hay.. thank goodness.. my pc is already done with the setups and stuffs.. sana this time i can keep an eye on this so that it will avoid often viruses and other factors that make it sobra sira 'no.. nagulat ako when mama asked the technician to fix this pc.. akala ko kasi wala syang pera..
anyway.. i am still spending nonsense summer here at home.. doing nothing but nothing.. my eyes were already swollen kakawatch tv and sleeping.. my baby fats is so very dumadami.. hehe..
i hate school but now i miss it.. i miss my baon so much.. kahit na konti lang yun at least i gt to save it and use it in emergency (emergencies like, going to malls, and buying knickknacks and eating sa mga fast food chains..) now.. my extra money only goes to internet cards.. and prepaid cards for celfone.. im super poor na.. huhu..
i love summer because i gt rid of those nasty professors. but i hate it on the other hand because i dont get to see friends.. miss them so damn much.. ym me sometime.. sheennnee31 thanks to those who read my blog.. i'll appreciate it much if ou leave comments or whatever.. thanks..

it's sooo hot!!!

2006-03-23T03:02:00.000-08:00

waah.. summer na talaga.. pag nasa loob ako ng bahay.. its like hell.. ngaun alam ko na anong feeling ng cake pag nasa oven.. ang init sobra.. hay.. sana merong tao na mag invite saken mag swimming or.. kahit simpleng lakad lang.. iligtas lang ako sa impyernong bahay namin.. hehe.. niwei.. cra pa rin pc namin eh.. huhu.. =(

kawawa pa rin ako..

sana maayos na nila pc ko.. (para hindi yung ganito.. yumayaman ang internet shop sa ginagawa ko).. hay.. buhayy.. sabagay.. darating din naman ang araw.. at makakaraos din kami.. may awa ang diyos.. uhhmm.. nga pala..

nakapasa "daw" sa pbb teen audition si jiggers arcega ng ahse-1-ai.. well congrats sa kanya. sa next screening.. sana pasok ka pa rin.. hehe.. ayon lang muna for now.. i'll post more na lang next time..

my first blog here..

2006-03-22T02:42:00.000-08:00

whew.. its not my first time to blog.. but its my first time to blog ditto.. my other blog kasi is ung sa friendster.. dati ko pa talaga gusto gumawa ng blog dito kaso walang time.. its onl now na nagkaroon ng super free time.. kaya iyon.. hayy.. my pc's still not working.. kaya no much time to blog that long.. but i hope that maayos na sya sooner.. so i can hang out here most of my summer time.. so well.. that's it for now.. bye-bye..

http://es_eich22.blogs.friendster.com/my_weblog/ that's my other blog.. if you like.. you can visit..

please.. support bianca gonzales sa pbb.. just text.. BB (space) bianca and send to 2331 or you can vote via pldt and thru vote cards.. thanks..