These past 4days, I’ve been reading these books (and I’ve plans to read more books, so that’ll keep me busy these sem break) books such as “a walk to remember” by Nicholas Sparks and “the gift” by Danielle Steel. I know I can get a little mushy, baduy and korni most of the time. So please bear with me. Haha. Sorry. It is amazing how wonderful things came. But does that make sense??
When I came to think about it, it was exhausting. Last week during our exams, I was horrible, I have thought of getting things worst. Something like not passing the requirements, not bothering about the clearance, thinking of not going to school anymore, and not being myself. it felt like everything’s gonna come down, I felt sad for no reason! And I was weird! I even told my friends what I was feeling, I feel something heavy behind my back, and I’ve almost wanted to die. For reasons I don’t know why. It’s not clear. I really messed up. I dreamt of having somebody beside me, but when I woke up, there’s nobody I’m with. Well then, I’m lonely. Sometimes I would always wanted to dream, for there I’ve had good things with me no pressure, no problems, no troubles just happiness. For the last week I have always wanted to sleep and not to wake up anymore. Yes, I know it was horrible for me to even think about it. Where could have been my faith in god? Gosh! Am I losing it? Oh sure I’m not! I won’t allow things to get worse than that.
I was in the jeepney then, last Sunday with ma and tante, when the jeep came across a street where a mother and her child was happily taking a bath along the sidewalk they were getting the water from the “kanal” (imagine how dirty could have been!) and still they’re having fun. Not thinking about how dirty it was, not thinking about what infections they can acquire from that, not thinking about their financial status, not having been bothered by the things going on around them and not anxious on how miserable their situation were. They just got along with their lives trying to utilize of what was accessible for them. Sure that they’re problems were bigger than mine and yet I felt more horrible than them, when I shouldn’t have to. I was inside the jeepney and I couldn’t do anything but to look at them, feel really lucky that my family were not that poor to reach that situation, I was sorry for them, I wanted to help, but what can I do? I can’t do anything, at least for now. Sure they have a lot faith with God than I do. And that I should take as example. They were sticking to God through their bad times and I’m sure never doubted him, for he has plans for everyone. I should never doubt God, even at the most terrible days of my life. This had been something: “I don’t need a reason to be angry with God!” and I know that even my so-called problems shouldn’t be a reason. I hope that anyone that reads this get to realize same things as I’ve realized.
Okay, that’s ridiculous. It doesn’t make sense it’s not even related to the thing I putted above but I wanted to put this here:
“Some people just come through our lives to bring us something, a gift, a blessing, a lesson we need to learn, and that’s why they’re here. They’ll teach us something, maybe about love and giving and caring. That is their gift for us. They don’t intend to stay longer, just give that gift then move on. They’ll be a special soul. And you’ll have their gift forever”
Okay then, after thinking for things like that, for a while I was out of my system. I was staring in a distant. Looking nowhere, obviously still astounded by what I just saw (the mother and her son) then…
…next thing I knew
“oy, ikaw na lang dyan.. ‘lika na! baba na! dito na tayo”
Ma and tante went down the jeep na pala, I was so tulala to even hear that ma had been calling for me. Haha. “shit! I was such a…”
